Everything About You
by fannypants
Summary: I hate everything about you... why do I love you' Kaiba doesn't even understand what's going on in his own head anymore, and hating someone is so delightful... KaibaJou yaoi, introspective piece.


Everything About You

Disclaimer: Don't own either Yu-Gi-Oh, which belongs to Kazuki Takahashi, or the song 'Everything About You' by Three Days Grace (otherwise known as the song that personifies KaibaJou shipping).

_'I hate everything about you. I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?' _Kaiba doesn't know what's going on in his own head anymore, and hating something is so delightful... KaibaJou slash, PG-13 for mentions of sexual relations.  
  
A/N: Slipping into the rather odd mind of Kaiba... a wee bit of what one may call a headfuck. Please enjoy, and review whether you enjoyed or not. Thanks!

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Kaiba's confused.  
  
Life seems to be changing in ways he cannot comprehend. Mokuba's growing up, for one- soon he'll be flying the coop. Kaiba feels like a parent, left behind in the storm of new-teenagerdom, never mind that he's not much more than a teenager himself.  
  
Mokuba Kaiba enjoys laughing with his friends and going out to parties. Seto Kaiba enjoys building walls, piece by piece, brick by brick, until he has built himself a fortress that he can see out of, but no-one can enter. Both in reality- the security around the Kaiba Mansion is more than comprehensive- and metaphorically. Kaiba's encased in more sheets of ice, more layers of brick than he knows what to do with.

Kaiba never thought that he would be the one not able to deal with change. So he builds wall upon wall upon wall- a castle that is completely impregnable. Kaiba's proud of his castle, and reinforces it day by day, sharpening it's defences on those that would call him friend.  
  
He enjoys seeing Yuugi's dejected face when he's waved aside; the anger in Yami's frozen stature after his hand, ever stretched out to Kaiba, is slapped away; the horror in Anzu Masaki's face when she realise that he really doesn't want friends, thank you very much. They all throw stones, but they are little pebbles and don't even faze Kaiba's powerful defences. His heart is made of stone, and his eyes are beams of ice. And there's nothing wrong.

But then, someone just has to come along with a bulldozer. And oh, how Kaiba hated that stupid, insipid friend of Mutou's- Jounouchi Katsuya. A moron, an absolute fool who did not have so much as two brain cells to rub together. Some innocent part of Kaiba, shoved away to the back of the polished recesses of his mind long ago, is sad that the only emotion Kaiba allows himself to feel is hate, but Kaiba doesn't care.  
  
Jounouchi Katsuya is the antithesis of Kaiba- the absolute and parallel opposite. Jounouchi Katsuya is friendly, always cheerful, and hotheaded. Kaiba passionately hates those attributes. Kaiba hates the way Jounouchi laughs at him; hates the way that his copper eyes flash defiance at the world; hates the way the ragged strands of silken blond hair caress the boy's face. Kaiba hates absolutely everything about Jounouchi, his absolute nemesis. And, how he loved to hate him.

Hating someone was delightful, exciting. Allowing himself to hate, to have even a singular emotion for someone who was not his trusted younger brother, was an amazing experience for the man who dwelled within his metaphorical castle walls. It was dangerous- Jounouchi's fire was beautiful and brilliant and clashed so viciously with the ice encasing Kaiba's heart that sometimes it hurt. The boy was entirely boneheaded, and once a gauntlet had been laid down, he could not resist chasing the snatches of soul he sees in Kaiba's eyes, the parts of the walls that he has broken down. 

And this is what has led him to Kaiba's bed, a little ghost- sometimes there, sometimes not, but always remaining there somehow. Blond hair on Kaiba's pillow- the scent of him on the sheets- a trinket or an object left behind on his bedside table. Always a visual reminder of what had been there.  
  
Kaiba hates that, whether the boy does it intentionally or not, he hates it. Another something to add to the long list of the things he hates about Jounouchi. He hates the way the boy lingers in his thoughts, these days, how hard it is to argue with a person when you're thinking about the things both ugly and beautiful you had done to them the night before, and he hates most of all that Jounouchi uses this mercilessly to his advantage.  
  
It's strange, but in those powerful arguments they have in public Jounouchi often has the upper hand, these days. Kaiba has no taste for them anymore, preferring the times when he can actually feel Jounouchi's fire against his skin, when he can touch and taste and hold that which he hates most of all, and make it his and his alone. Using his greater physical strength to overpower the boy, to dominate him and have him come apart in his arms, that was the fight he enjoyed, and the one that lingered.

Jounouchi must feel the same, as he continued to ghost Kaiba's life, even when they finished schooling together and headed away on different paths- Jounouchi to college, Kaiba to the ineveitability of an already-planned life. Still, the little spirit remains.

Those public arguments were slowly dying, and things Kaiba had so vehemently disliked not so long before were almost becoming endearing to him, like the way Jounouchi tilted his head to the side when he was confused, the hand he continually ran through his messy mop of hair to keep it out of his eyes, and the submissive way he lifted his chin up when Kaiba kissed him in that forceful way he enjoyed most of all.  
  
Sometimes Kaiba looks into those eyes and realises that he actually does not understand what is going on in the mind of Jounouchi, not at all. Jounouchi's face is always closed and hard, but his eyes are always gentle and soft, and gentleness was something Kaiba wasn't sure if he hated, because it was something he had never experienced before and didn't intend to. But Jounouchi still looked at him like that, sometimes, and it confused him. He still hated Jounouchi. But when the boy was busy, not around to give him a taste of that fire he enjoyed so much, Kaiba found himself unable to concentrate on the mindless work he continued to do, found himself experiencing a feeling not unlike longing, except that was impossible, because he hated Jounouchi. 

And, how he hated him. But for different reasons, now. He hated Jounouchi for the gentleness in his soul; he hated Jounouchi for the soft smile that Kaiba felt come to his own face whenever the blond boy was with him; most of all, he hated Jounouchi for sometimes not being around.  
  
It had begun as a way to get fid of empty frustrations and anger. It had become something he craved and needed deep within his soul, something he would desire until he died, or at least it felt that way. Jounouchi had an incredible power over him now, one that Kaiba had never intended to give away.

They still fought, of course, and in retribution Jounouchi would simply execute his power over Kaiba by not going to him, and those times Seto Kaiba felt the deepest flaw in his impregnable fortress of ice- it was impregnable, but unescapable, as well. He could not go to Jounouchi, he hated the boy, and his pride would not allow it. He couldn't look into that face and beg for what he wanted. He found himself immersed in several emotions, these days. Pride, so much so that he could only wait for Jounouchi to need him again, to return. Fear, that he would never come back. Desire, an emotion that filled the soul he had thought to be lost.  
  
On some days, Kaiba ponders the thin line between hate and... something else, and realises that he is teetering on it, and to fall to one side would be disasterous. But to fall to the other would be wonderful, beautiful and everything he had ever secretly wanted when gazing down at the sleeping boy resting on his chest. He wasn't actually sure which side was the one that would mean more.  
  
Kaiba hadn't thought that Jounouchi could destroy the stone fortress around his soul anymore than he had done already, but he hadn't reckoned on the sheer persistence of those not blessed with much intelligence. He had changed his mind about the boy's intelligence level, thinking that anyone who could be so manipulative have to have some kind of thinking process, but he'd changed his mind.  
  
_"I love you..."_

How could Jounouchi say something like that? Surely he knew Kaiba hated him? Suddenly everything came at once. He hated Jounouchi, he hated that the boy loved him and loved it simultaneously, this was why he kept coming back, this was why...

And love was such a sweet word, one that involved puppies and hearts and kittens and sweet things. Kaiba didn't like sweet things- in fact, he hated them. He found himself allowing emotion for many things, recently. A grudging respect for Yuugi Mutou; finding actual amusement in the game of Duel Monsters... only because his and Jounouchi's affair was like a duel, a constant fight that was as beautiful as it was ugly, just like what they did in the silence of the mansion when Mokuba was out at those teenage parties he so enjoyed.

Jounouchi had wrecked his mind, his polished mind of cogs and wheels. Suddenly, it all came splintering down, and his entire fortress fell to the ground, as if it was made of flimsy paper instead of stone and his little ghost had just blown on it and knocked it down.  
  
Alarmed and enchanted all at once, he gazed down at Jounouchi. _"I hate everything about you," _He wanted to say, and knowing this he had an epiphany. Hating everything about someone didn't mean you hated them, did it?

And like that, all the hate and resentment faded away, and for just one moment, Kaiba felt like a puppies and kittens person. But that moment was enough.  
  
_"I love you, too."  
  
_And for that moment, he did. He really did, when he stopped to think about it and saw wide, shocked golden eyes gazing up at him. He didn't know why, or how he had stepped from the fires of hate to the simpler yet more fulfilling clutches of love, but he had.

Kaiba had never believed in perfect moments, believing them to be commercialised nonsense and superstition of those who had nothing else to look to.

That innocent part of him was happy to know that they actually did exist as he kissed the surprise away from the suddenly beautiful face below him.  
  
And they did.  
  
They really did.

----

_'Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you- yet  
  
Every roommate kept awake  
  
By every silent scream we make  
  
All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you- yet_

_Only when I stop to think about it..._

_I hate everything about you!_

_Why do I love you?_

_I hate everything about you!_

_Why do I love you?_

_Only when I stop to think about you, I know_

_Only when you stop to think about me, do you know...?_

_I hate everything about you!_

_Why do I love you?_

_You hate everything about me!_

_Why do you love me?_

_I hate, you hate, I hate, you love me...?_

_I hate everything about you!_

_Why do I love you?'_

_-'Everything About You', Three Days' Grace_

---Fin--- 

Um, what can I say? That piece wasn't planned. It just kinda... happened. I think this song's been used in a fanfic recently, sorry, but in this it was more inspiration rather than an actual songfiction, soooo... oh well.

Review if you enjoyed it, criticise if you hated it, blink if you just don't get it.


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